Deep beneath a cover of another perfect wonder and it's so white as snow.  Hey oh, listen what I say, oh.

White Man’s a Burden

                We still want to believe that owners of massive companies, companies that are worth billions of dollars, only make decisions based on the best interests of their company.  We also want to believe in Santa and the Virgin Mary and utopia, but the proof just isn’t there.  Jerry Jones doesn’t really care whether the Cowboys win or not, he just wants to make the decision.  Kurt Vonnegut said in his book, A Man Without a Country, that America has devolved into a country of “guessers”.   And the word "educated" didn’t make an appearance in that discussion.  He’s right. 

People have become more interested in making decisions the way that they want, not in making a good decision. In the NFL there is an odd result when an owner or GM makes a bad decision.  They make more money.  The Lions franchise continues to increase in value every year since Matt Millen drafted three consecutive first round receivers.  The Saints traded away their entire draft class plus another first rounder for Ricky Williams.  Team lost, profits went up.  So NFL owners don’t really care whether their decisions are correct or not.  They just want everybody that disagrees to know that they’re the boss.  Jerry Jones weighed in on former coach and Hall of Famer Bill Parcell’s, who is generally considered one of the great coaching and draft minds of the modern era, by saying he wasn’t “worth a shit” while recently noting that his baffled little BFF Jason Garrett was not the cause of another year of Cowboys' failure.  There has always been an urban legend that Jones calls the plays, so he might be correct.

In the past three years, since the inception of the world’s greatest NFL scouting website (that being us, Oh My Brothers), we have rated 7 quarterbacks as first round picks.  They were Russell Wilson, Andrew Luck, Colin Kaepernick, Cam Newton, Robert Griffin, III, Geno Smith and  E.J. Manuel.  Three of those Wilson, Kaepernick and Smith, weren’t drafted in the first round even though we had them rated there.  They are, of course, all African-American which is purely coincidental we’re certain. The three not drafted in the first all have .500 winning percentages or better.  The five tossers who were drafted in the first but that the Matriculator didn’t have rated as first round talents, all have losing records.  Every one of them.  Brandon Weeden, Jake Locker, Blaine Gabbert, Ryan Tannehill and Christian Ponder.  They all happen to be white…again happenstance. [1]  The four highest rated passers drafted in the past 3 years are Wilson, Newton, RGIII and Kaepernick.  Again all African-American, again all fortuity.  The highest rated rookie passers include the four above and E.J Manuel, who it might surprise people to know had a higher rookie rating than every white tosser drafted in the first round the past three years.  That’s right, higher than Ponder, Gabbert, Locker, Weeden, Tannehill and even Luck.  Luck we're certain.[2]  Geno Smith, for all of the ugly games during his rookie season, has a better winning percentage than five of the six white tossers drafted ahead of him in the past three years.  Coincadink.  In fact Smith has a higher winning percentage after one season than number one overall pick Sam Bradford has had in any of his first four seasons. The African dominance continues on into the post-season where the white tossers drafted in the first round have played in exactly one playoff game, that an abysmal flop for Andrew Luck (59 passer rating), while the African tossers have already won three and three of them are still playing in the 2014 post-season.  The white tossers have exceeded the African playoff winning quarterbacks in one category…salary. Happy accident we know.

You may recall that last season our number one prospect in the NFL draft was Tajh Boyd.  He asked the NFL draft advisory board for an evaluation of his draft stock and he was given a second round grade.  So was Cam Newton in December of the year he came out by everyone but The Fantasy Matriculator.  See Newton’s Law for an interesting hindsight read, even though it was written with foresight (that means long before the draft).  We suspect that as soon as the draft advisory board realized Boyd was African-American they dropped him a round. Two players who weren’t eligible for the draft last year have surpassed Boyd on our draft board.  Teddy Bridgewater and Johnny Manziel should be the first two tossers selected.  Even with Manziel’s possible off the field issues, he’s so far above the rest in terms of talent.   Boyd should be the third tosser selected. He’s not elite, but he reminds us of E.J. Manuel.  He’s heady, a winner and he can run as well throw at a high level.  As of now, Boyd is ranked as the 10th best quarterback by CBS Sports draft experts.  Fluke we’re sure. We can’t see where he is ranked by BSPN’s clowns at Scout’s Inc because you have to be an insider to get past the top 32 picks.  Call us crazy, but we choose not to throw good money at bad information.  What we can see is that Scout’s Inc has Blake Bortles rated not only ahead of Boyd, but in the first round.  We’ve scouted Bortles and his co-riser Derek Carr.  Like Ryan Tannehill and Christian Ponder before them, we have them rated as second round talents.  They aren’t elite players.   We like Carr’s fire and leadership ability but his mechanics, like his brother’s before him, are terrible.  He throws off his back foot and his reads and throws downfield leave a lot to be desired.

Some people may be confused about the purpose of our article.  We're not saying that your team should draft an African quarterback.  No sirry.  We're just saying that your team shouldn't draft a white (or American Indian) tosser.   The fact that you are only left with African Americans or Latinos (we forgot about Sanchez), is simply coincidence. Chance. Eventuality.  Fluke.  Luck. Happenstance. Happy accident.


[1] We realized very early in this piece that the word “coincidence” was going to be used liberally and didn’t want to repeat it.  We were disappointed to see that the thesaurus didn’t include “happenstance” as a synonym.  We will get over it, at some point.

[2] That is actually listed as a synonym for coincidence!  Imagine our good fortune!