Black Bart was actually a white guy from Norfolk, England.

ESPN’s Sorta Black Hatin’…Again

                The latest installment of ESPN's time honored tradition of hatin’ on black people belched forth from the pen of a mass named Kevin Seifert, who’s some kind of NFL analyst for the sports behemoth.  He wrote an article trying to cover for the NFL, which has a long and storied history of hating on black quarterbacks.  Seifert issued his opinion this week, in a thoroughly unresearched propagandist piece that supports all the reasons we have heard since the Land of the Lost about why black quarterbacks get screwed over by a group of 32 rich old white men and Clayton Bigsby.

            Seifert’s article is entitled, in more ways than one, Colin Kaepernick’s biggest problem? Performance, not politics.  The point of the article is that Kaepernick has undergone a serious deterioration in his passing performance in the past two seasons. The fact that he's not accurate, Seifert posits, is the reason he's getting no love from NFL teams, as opposed to the fact that he has expressed his outrage regarding black men being shot in the back by police officers. Seifert pontificates that there is “no more important attribute than accuracy” and that CK isn’t accurate.  He completely dismisses the fact that Kaepernick is probably the greatest runner in NFL history and that…wait a minute, news flash…quarterback's running actually counts.

“So if a black quarterback runs for 25 yards, they aren’t penalized for being black? The ball isn’t returned to the spot where the black man began his run? Why I do declare!” 

           Seifert concludes that Kaepernick will have to take veteran back-up money and a significant pay cut from the $14 million he made the previous year.  He has a point in citing Kaepernick’s inaccuracy the past few years.  Kaepernick has completed only 59% of his passes and has a passer rating of 85.  Hang on the producer is calling in. 

“I think you got the stats mixed up.  Those are Andrew Luck’s the past two years.” 

“Oh well, give me Kap’s for the past two years.”

“Umm, 59% completion rate and 85 passer rating.”

“The exact same as Luck’s?”

“Actually yes. Kind of ironic.”

“The exact same as the white guy who is the highest paid player in NFL history?”

“Umm, yeah.”

“For God’s sake.  Kap probably won’t get credit for inventing the candygram either, will he?”

“Probably not.”

“Doesn’t Kap have a significantly better touchdown to interception ratio than Luck too.”

“Uh, huh.”

“And a better post-season record?”


            We love irony here at Matriculator headquarters.  There is another article by Seifert appearing in the ESPN “news” feed.  It’s entitled Stacking the NFL’s Highest Paid Players, and there’s a picture, not of Colin Kaepernick, but of Andrew Luck who is the NFL’s highest paid player at $87 million guaranteed.  (Fn. 1) Kaepernick’s career passer rating of 89.1 ranks him, solely as a passer, ahead of a few NFL starters including Carson Palmer, Alex Smith, Derek Carr, Eli Manning, the Jets starter, the Browns starter, Carson Wentz, Jared Goff, Ryan Tannehill, Sam Bradford, Joe Flacco, Blake Bortles, Andrew Luck, Jay Cutler and Matt Stafford.  They will all make more than Kaepernick in 2017. In fact, as a passer he’s ranked above every NFL tosser with the exception of a hand full of Hall of Famers. In the history of the NFL, he has the 17th best passer rating. Ever. For the past two years, he hasn’t been as good, but he’s still posted a solid 85 passer rating throwing to what we would argue is the worst group of receivers in the NFL.  In 2016 his leading receivers were Jeremy Kerley and Quinton Patton, who are back-ups.  Luck posted his stats the past two years throwing to future Hall of Famers Andre Johnson and T.Y. Hilton, as well as Donte Moncrief and two highly drafted tight ends.  Luck’s post–season passer rating is a CFL worthy 71, while Kap's is an impressive 87.  Speaking of the CFL, there was this black guy once named Warren Moon.  He wasn’t drafted in the NFL, who might have been sorta black hatin’, but went on to become the all-time leading passer in professional football history after having to prove that he was really good in the CFL for a few years.  That undrafted black man went on to play 17 seasons in the NFL and was selected to 9 Pro-Bowls and won the NFL MVP award because he could pass. He's in the Hall of Fame too. Scuse me while I whip this out.

            We’re fairly certain that the reason Kaepernick is not on the cover of Seifert’s other article, the one about the highest paid player in the NFL, and is on the one about being thankful to have a job is because he’s a black fella.  It’s really a shocker to us because one of the owner’s was quoted as saying, “Well of course I like black people.  One of my favorite people growing up was my butler.  We had a good ol’ time eating watermelon and fried chicken.”  So maybe we’re wrong.  But we sorta doubt it.

 (1) There is no mention of Luck's lack of accuracy the past two years in the article about him being the highest paid player in NFL history.  Things that make you go, hmm.