"I'm a Red Sea Pedestrian, and proud of it!"  Brian in The Life of Brian.

Red Sea Pedestrian Foreskins Are a Joke and Nearly a Good Laugh

 

           Ah remember the good ol' days when the Red Sea Pedestrian Foreskins were called the Redskins.  Those were such simpler times. Red Sea Pedestrian Foreskins GM Bruce Allen recently held a press conference to discuss the “Kurt situation”, which is similar to the “Bonnie Situation” but different.  Redskin is listed as an ethnic slur for a Native American by Wiki.  On Wiki the term redskin is right alongside injun and squaw.  Shockingly Throwcahontas, our nickname for Sam Bradford, didn’t make the list. 

           Kurt is actually not the name of the guy Bruce Allen was discussing.  His name is Kirk and he is funky, and he is also the tosser for Allen’s billion dollar organization known as the Redskins, at least until Red Sea Pedestrian Foreskins gains a wider acceptance.   At the press conference Allen seemed frustrated that Kurt (aka, Kirk), his franchise’s most prized asset, hadn’t made a counter to the Red Sea Pedestrian Foreskins contract offer.[i]  We already knew Allen was a moron, but calling his franchise tosser the wrong name four times in a press conference sets the bar pretty low.  It’s something you’d expect though from a guy who leads an organization owned by a guy whose race (or religion) has been the most persecuted on planet Earth, yet who refuses to change his organizations name from the offensive term to something like the Washington Bullets, Redcoats, Kikes, Politicos, Sharks, Lobbyists, Squaws, Trumps   No,  wait!  It’s the Hogs, or Pigs might be more appropo. Pigskins, that's it! Porky can be their mascot. We're certain Dan Snyder would approve the name, being he's a legendary pork eater. Mmm, bacon is good. They can fly Pink Floyd’s old pig balloon over the stadium and play their song Pigs at every break.  You know that catchy little ditty that goes:

Big man, pig man
Ha, ha, charade you are
You well heeled big wheel
Ha, ha, charade you are
And when your hand is on your heart
You're nearly a good laugh
Almost a joker
   (Watch Roger Waters play it here)

           Cousins won’t play for the Pigskins for long.  He’s more of a rabbit, like Brer Rabbit.  He has said he’s “evaluating” the organization before he makes a counter.  That’s code for, “Are you kidding me?  Sign long term with a team where the GM doesn’t know my name?”  Next season he will again feign anger at being franchise tagged.  “Please don’t franchise me at $22 million for one season.  I hate to quote my man Latrell, but I got a family to feed. And please don’t throw me in the briar patch either.”  That Kurt Kirk, he’s a Waskly Wabbit.



[i] .  We got that name from the offensive terms for Jewish people on Wiki, though we added the Foreskins part. Laughing