Saint Nicholas of Myra was a dude from Turkey who became Santa Claus.  Nick was also a character in Batchelor Party.

Nick’s Chubb.  It's Interactive!

 

            We have a chubby for Nick.  In more ways than one.  If you listened to us and drafted Chubb or traded for him when nobody wanted him, you’ll probably win your league. That's why you matriculate after all, isn't it? You can thank us later, if you ever figure out our true identity.

            Last weekend the spawn of the Matriculator, a/k/a Matriculator Jr., was waiting with his friends at CNN Center in Atlanta to attend a playoff game with Georgia’s most popular, and one of the world’s most famous teams, Atlanta...UNITED! United managed to fill Mercedes-Benz Stadium with over 50,000 crazies for 17 home games, ranking 17th in the world in attendance in the world’s most popular sport. Vamos, vamos, vamos, ATL! Anywho, as Junior sat eating his Joey Bag of Donuts he told his little throng of nare-do-wells something to the effect of, “I bet $20 that when my Dad shows up he’s going to say something about Nick Chubb and his 200 yard performance.  He was the only pundit who said he was one of the best running backs to come out in years and he was right, again, so some butt-talkin’s about to happen. I mean what are the odds that my Dad would be the greatest NFL scout to ever live.  That Mel Kiper would be his little bitch.  That he would be the GOAT.  Goatius maximus.”  One of his friends reportedly replied, “No thanks.  I’ve met your old man.  He talks more shit than Donald Trump on Twitter.”  The spawn of the Matriculator was wrong.  The Matriculator introduced himself around the table first, and then he started in about the highest rated running back on Pro Football Focus, the guy who set the Browns franchise record for the longest run in their 100-year history…in his fourth start. The guy who had over 100 yards several weeks ago, on three carries… 

            So the old man who talks more shit that Trump on Twitter has these nostradumbass headlines for February 2019.

 

            Demaryius Thomas stars during the Texans Super Bowl run and seals his Hall of Fame credentials

 

            Andy Reid doinks it again in the post-season as the Chiefs flame out

 

            Le’Veon Bell arrested for beating James Conner with his stolen cleat

 

            The Patriots caught cheating on Josh Gordon’s piss test and lose 2019 first round pick

 

            Free Agent Sam Bradford, a/k/a Throwcahontas, is traded for a first round pick although not under contract with any team

 

            Dolphins sign Brock Landers to mega deal, not realizing he was a fictional guy from Boogie Nights. They cut Landers and sign Uncle Rico whose potential is unknown

 

            Bills and Jets engage in slap fight in a bar.  Nobody was hurt

 

            John Gruden resigns as Raiders head coach to run for POTUS.  Claims everyone wants to play for him and Trump’s assertions to the contrary are fake news

 

            Jimmy Garoppolo marries Stormy Daniels in “private” ceremony

 

            Okay, enough of the nostradumbass.  Let’s get to the part you all want.  The “How do we win our fantasy league!” type stuff.   What you need to know from here on out is the top 20 wide receivers, top 20 running backs, top 5 tossers and top 5 tight ends.  The rest is fluff and stuff.

 

RBs

 

  1. Zeke Elliot- Check the schedule and dude  gets his touches
  2. Melvin Gordon- Playoff hunt and no competition for carries
  3. Nick Chubb- No comment
  4. Joe Mixon- Playoff hunt, cold weather, and the guy's physical
  5. Christian McAffrey- Playoff contention, lots of touches, lots of catches…
  6. Saquon Barkley- A star in the making, but what happens when the Giants are 4-11?  He’s not playing in the Stupor Bowl.
  7. Todd Gurley- The Rams are 13-2.  No Stupor Bowl for him either.
  8. Kareem Hunt- See Todd Gurley
  9. Sony Michel-He should see lots of carries down the stretch as the Patsies right the ship

10. Alvin Kamara- One great game, one egg, one great game, one egg…

11. James Conner- Can he keep it up for 16 games?

12. Dalvin Cook- If he stays healthy down the stretch he moves up this list

13. Leonard Fournette- See Dalvin Cook.

14. Mark Ingram- The Saints will lean on him if they rest Kamara

15. David Johnson- Stud, but how much will the Cards risk him if they have 4 wins?

16. James White- Michel is back, and White’s a prime regression candidate

17. Aaron Jones- Impressive player but he’s never been a workhorse

18. Kerryon Johnson- Maybe the best running back the Lions have had since Barry Sanders, but he’s still on the Lions

19. Alex Collins- He scores, therefore he is...on our list

20. Tarik Cohen- Lots of catches and startable, but not a star

 

 

WRs

 

  1. Deandre Hopkins- One of the best of all-time, a tosser who throws exclusively to wide receivers and a playoff chase
  2. Tyreek Hill- Quite simply the most dangerous weapon the NFL has ever seen.  Ever.  Oh, and the tosser can throw it a country mile.
  3. Antonio Brown- Week 11 might be his only down week from here on out.
  4. Brandin Cooks- No more Cooper Kupp.  He’s the big play guy on a potent offense
  5. OBJ- The Giants are out of it, but OBJ is chasing records
  6. Julio Jones- Like Matt Ryan, good in the middle of the field when it doesn't matter and a garbage time legend
  7. Michael Thomas- When do they cut back his snaps for a playoff run?
  8. Stefon Diggs- Will he ascend if Thielen fades?
  9. Kenny Golladay- You heard it here first.  He’s an emerging star

10. Alshon Jeffrey- The Eagles are fighting for a playoff spot and they have no running game

11. JuJu- The flavors are licorice, lemon, lime, raspberry and orange

12. Robert Woods- The conservative version of Brandin Cooks

13. Amari Cooper- Escape from L.A.

14. Davante Adams- We’re concerned the Packers fall out of the playoff race and the Packers shut ARod down

15. Keenan Allen- Mr. Steady but not a touchdown maker

16. Tyler Boyd- A few weeks without A.J. should boost him

17. Adam Thielen- He wasn’t a top 30 player down the stretch last year and he’s primed for a regression

18. Doug Baldwin- He says he’s healthy and Russell Wilson is the GOAT in the last two months of the season

19. Emmanuel Sanders- Demaryius is gone

20. Demaryius Thomas- Watson makes stars out of WR2

 

TEs

 

  1. George Kittle- Dude's got game and no competition for touches
  2. Zach Ertz- His wife is hot, and she plays soccer
  3. Travis Kelce- He’s a baller but lots of mouths to feed and Mahomes has to settle down, right?
  4. Evan Engram- Too talented to not have a few big games
  5. Greg Olsen- Does he have six more games in him?

 

QBs

           

  1. Deshaun Watson- Not sure, but we think he’s the all-time highest scoring fantasy player in points per game…of all-time
  2. Carson Wentz- Trying to win every game, no running game, and Jeffrey, Tate and Ertz all playing
  3. Cam Newton- One of the all-time great big game players, with a lot of big games left
  4. Russell Wilson- The best late season tosser in NFL history has 14 TDs and 2 Ints in his last 5 games
  5. Pat Mahomes- He will regress, but not much

           

 

            Let’s take a trip to the 2018 Fantasy Twilight Zone.  Beyond this world, strange things are known.  Use the key, unlock the door.  See what your fate might have in store.  God I love Rush.  The Stupor Bowl winner in your league will have one bizarro starter.  A guy who might not even be on a roster at present.  If you're chasing a playoff spot and can dump a player, consider rodgering rostering one of these players.

 

Chris Herndon- TE, Jets

The Jets are pathetic, yet Herndon has been trending as a fantasy starter for over a month.

 

Stevan Ridley- RB, Steelers

James Conner is tired, the Steelers have wrapped up the division, cue 25 carries for Ridley.  Believe it or not.

 

Spencer Ware- RB, Chiefs

We bet donuts to dollars that he out touches Kareem Hunt week 16.

 

Tre’Quan Smith- WR, Saints

He’s a Michael Thomas injury away from being the undisputed number one on the Saints. 

 

Jordan Wilkins- RB, Colts

He’s quietly had a nice rookie campaign, currently posting a top 10 in the NFL in yards per carry and catching 10 of 11 passes.  He’s a Marlon Mack injury (which is always a good bet) from having a 20-touch week 16 against a Giants team that is already hibernating for the winter.


Jalen Richard- RB, Raiders

The Raiders defense is terrible.  The Raiders will see a lot of prevent defenses. Their best offensive player is  Jordy Nelson, Doug Martin, Keith Smith, Seth Roberts, Dwayne Harris, Brandon Lefell, Saeed Blacknell, Marcel Ateman, Jalen Richard.  Richard is playing Monday Night against the Broncos in week 16 and you need 12 points to win your Stupor Bowl.  Legend in the making.

 

So once upon a time there was this guy called Nick Chubb…