I can see for miles and miles.

Meaty, Beaty, Big and Pouncey

 

                You can’t over analyze things too much.  You can’t really look at defensive rankings, prior games the teams played against each other or even who’s been hot.  Probably the biggest single factor in the Advertisement Bowl is a team’s experience.  Have the players been through the process before so that they don’t look like Buckwheat when the fireworks start exploding.  Are they mentally prepared for the million questions that they’ve already been asked a million times.  Are they ready for all the pats on the back, the “you’re the greatest” comments, the ticket requests from the prior night’s hookers, that sort of thing.[1]  The Steelers have a decided advantage in that regard, but we are still predicting they will lose.   

            BJ Raji is a meaty fellow.  He goes about three thirty, and that’s before the all the buffet’s he’ll have between the final whistle against Chicago and when he runs out in front of the eyes of the nation, looking more Godzilla than human.  Oh no, there goes Tokyo, go, go Godzilla.   That should be the Packers theme song.  Pittsburgh’s new center Dan Legursky, is no Bronco Nagurski.  He and Ben fumbled two snaps in the AFC Championship.  We assume they’ll work that out with the two weeks of practice, but that won’t help when the meat comes up the middle.  Raji will probably only have 4-5 tackles and maybe a tackle for loss or sack, but he’ll be stymying the Pittsburgh run game that carried them over the J-E-T-S. 

            Beaty are the Steelers cornerbacks.  They’ve been beaten so often you’d think they were red headed step-children.   We’ve looked at their roster and none of the corners could even remotely be considered red heads, so that just means they’re not good.  While one of our entrenched Steelers operatives says that Ike Taylor has been a borderline shut-down corner, we’re not buying it. [2]  Even if he has a good game, they can only wheel out Bryant McFadden and William Gay to try and contend with what may be the deepest receiving corps in the NFL.

            The Steelers have a few Big ways to counteract Meaty and Beaty.  Big Ben is probably the best quarterback you could have for an offensive line that contains defensive lineman like Niagra Falls contains water.  He is tough to bring down, moves great in the pocket and routinely creates touchdowns out of busted plays.  He’s going to have to pull a few of those for the Steelers to win. 

            I’m no Steelers fan, but I can’t deny that Troy Polamalu is the coolest player in the NFL.  I love that guy.  He may have authored the greatest play in NFL history earlier this year when the Titans were on the goal line.  The instant the ball was snapped, Polamalu leapt over the guard and center like a jungle tiger on steroids, grabbed Kerry Collins by the neck and slammed him down.  But I have noticed that he’s been adding some junk in the trunk as the season has progressed.  With The Beaty’s on the corner, he’s going to have to bring his A-game to compensate.  He could.  There is no better big game player than him assuming he’s been laying off the steak tar-tar this week. 

          The Steelers defensive line is big too, and that’s good.  Their strength is stopping the run, but the Packers don’t care much about running anyway. Cheap Shot Harrison and Co. will come after Buck Rodgers and try to knock him into the 25th century.  Last week after Julius Peppers hit Rodgers he got some happy feet, though that’s the only time I’ve ever seen Rodgers do that.  If they can get to him early they’ve got a chance to disrupt the passing game.

          Markice Pouncey is this Advertisement Bowl’s biggest story.  Do you remember your Uncle Rico?  The one who said, “If coach had put me in, we would have been state champions.”[3]  He had a 1973 El Camino that when you opened the hood had duct tape all over the hoses and wires and converters.  Markice Pouncey was the duct tape.  The engine doesn’t work without him.   It will spit and sputter, if you can even get it to start at all.  If he plays and is healthy, the Steelers engine will run like a Hemi and they win.  But he won’t be healthy so they’ll run more like a Yugo.  Gozilla and The Sleestacks 17,  The Jungle Tiger and The Yugo, 13.  [4]

               

               

 

[1] You may recall the week of the 1999 Advertisement Bowl, Falcons safety (and the NFL’s Man of the Year.  Bog I love me some irony) Eugene Robinson was arrested in a seedy part of Miami for soliciting a Rooxxanne.  She apparently put on the red light.  One of the Falcons players was interviewed by the New York Times and said he wasn’t surprised.  “Our players had been going there all week,” he said, “Eugene just got caught.”  Loose lips sink ships in more ways than one.