The protagonist in Full Metal Jacket was Joker.  Joker was also our nickname for Jake Locker.  He sucky sucky too.

Lay a Turd for Griffin the Third


           Listen to NFL bobble heads these days and you won't hear talk of unlocking the cover two, or tight ends down the middle or wide receivers and posts.  But the subtle sexual references still abound.  All the rage in 2012 is about sucking.  Me sucky this, me sucky that. Me love you too much. Suck for Luck?  I'm offended by the subliminal Freudian sexual banter.  It makes me want to get jiggy all the time, and I'm too old for that.  Aren't we evolving?  We say rise up people.  We say it's time to start swimming or you'll sink like a stone.  We say Lay a Turd for Griffin the Third.  Robert Griffin, III that is. 

           Andrew Luck is going to be great.  He’s a franchise quarterback and we don’t toss that tag around lightly like the jabber jockeys do.  Cam Newton was the only franchise quarterback that we saw in the 2010 class.  They come out about once every 2 or 3 years, but the 2011 draft has two franchise quarterbacks and frankly it’s a coin toss. As usual nobody agrees with us.  Griffin, III is listed as a 2nd round prospect on most draft sites.  CBS has him at 50.  Other pundicators have him at 35.  Not here brothers.  He’s 1a or 1b. 

          Griffin and Luck have a lot in common.  They are both top end human beings who have the universal respect of coaches, teammates and the community.   They are both highly intelligent on and off the field.  Griffin graduated from Baylor in 3 years.   Griffin has been a star since the day he stepped on campus and Luck was great as a sophomore.  They both have a long, consistent body of work that most quarterbacks entering the draft can’t boast.  Griffin’s passer rating as a freshman and sophomore was an astounding 142.   Luck’s was 140 as a sophomore. They both have very high completion percentages hovering between 65-70% in 2009 and 2010.  In 2011 Griffin’s is a mind numbing 85% with a passer rating of 236.  Griffin plays against much tougher competition.  In 2010 he faced Texas (whom he beat on the road), Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas A&M and Illinois.  Luck plays in the Pac-10 where calling a defense porous is considered a compliment.  Still, we don’t hold that against Luck.  You can’t play any better, regardless of competition, than Luck has played for several years.  Here are two incredible stat lines. For his career, Luck has thrown 53 touchdowns with only 13 interceptions.  Griffin has thrown 54 touchdowns with 11 interceptions.    

            There are only a few real differences between the two.  Luck is a little tighter in his delivery and has a little better mechanics in the pocket.  He’s got a clear advantage if football was what so many fans think it is, a game that is only played in the pocket.  Luck is big at 6”4”, 240 pounds, and a very good athlete.  Frankly there is no weakness to point to when evaluating him.  But Griffin goes far beyond good athlete.  He’s a Cam Newton/Mike Vick athlete.  Griffin is 6’2” and 225 pounds so he is significantly bigger than Vick who might be 200 in pads.  And get this, he might be faster than Vick.  That’s what “they” are saying but we are skeptical here at Matriculator Headquarters.  Vick ran a 4.20.  In any event, as good an athlete as Luck is, he’s not in the same class.  Griffin has run for 24 touchdowns while Luck has 6. 

           People do all sorts of kooky things for luck.  They pray.  They bury things in their yard.  They pencil area codes under their eyes.  They rub Buddha's belly. They eat chicken and dumplins exactly three hours before the game. And now, they suck. One highly questionable Crimson Tide fan has already tried to use this to his advantage.  "Hey honey.  I know you were looking for some good luck in that interview tomorrow.  I got this idea from Colin Cowherd."  "Oh great.  I can use all of the help I can get."  "Well I'm here to help."

          In 2012, unless something dramatic happens in the last few months of the season, the teams with the top two draft picks won’t need any luck.  Choosing between Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin, III is like choosing between The Mona Lisa and The Sistine Chapel.  Michaelangelo or Da Vinci?  It’s a coin flip.  Heads you win.  Tails you win. 

November 1, 2011